By Martha Frances Williams, Eden Martinez, and Vicki Negri
Like most of the NYC community, I started my self-isolation the second week of March. Living in Queens, NY I was surrounded by sirens at all hours, the horrifying daily news updates, and the growing unemployment rate.
As a former devout full time employee, I was a fairly new freelance filmmaker predominantly focused on producing. I was already deep in the throes of looking for job prospects when the work shutdowns began. With a project submitted to festivals, one finishing post production, and a few in development, the reality of the situation began to truly sink in beyond the already immediate and severe health impacts on our communities. Filmshop has always been a place for community, a place to grow, and create a work of art from the initial spark of an idea. It is familiar, routine, and has some certainty in a business already wrought with so much quandary. With so many filmmaker friends and colleagues faced with loss of family members and friends, sickness, housing and financial insecurity, it became clear that the one thing we had always clung to in moments like this, our art, could not become one more added to the list.
In my own career, when it’s seemed like a desert, no new prospects, no one saying yes, and no money to put behind ideas, I’ve always clung to the one life raft in the seemingly endless sea of uncertainty, my own ability and resiliency to create. In those first days of the pandemic, I came face to face with all of the ideas and creative sparks I had neglected time and time again because I had felt they would never survive such extreme industry scrutiny. I felt shame for placing my own unique artistic ideas on the chopping block before they were fully formed, but I also felt liberated. I finally had the space and time to allow creation to bubble to the surface and thoughtfully choose which to pursue. One thing was clear and important from the beginning, I had to do what I could for the people and community I love, those who had always shown up and celebrated even the smallest of accomplishments. In a time where we’re not sure how safe it is to be outside for long periods of time without masks and gloves, a digital outlet to celebrate, share, and provide opportunities for industry engagement felt like the best solution. Filmshop Exhibition is the first exercising of this forgotten creative muscle in a long time and one thing has become increasingly certain in this quandary, if we don’t create our own opportunities, we’ll never know what could lie ahead.
How to lose your sense of humor: A pandemic story
If you ask my friends about my most embarrassing trait, they’d probably say, “Eden always laughs at her own jokes BEFORE she delivers them.” That’s right folks, I’m likely to laugh for a full three minutes in your face while you, the silent observer, stands by with a deep look of concern for my well-being. I’ve always found solace in humor, but for the first week of lockdown I quickly lost all humor and dove deep into an emotion I’ve spent my life fighting: fear.
I was crippled. And strangely, all I could do was clean – which I assure you is not a deep-seated passion. I’d describe myself as having the cleanliness of a guest in week three of their stay … but I digress. Fear pushed me out of my character as a creator and it wasn’t until I locked back into character that I was able to escape the cycle. I found solace in podcasting, photography, and writing – but when I heard about the Filmshop Exhibition initiative, I found a renewed passion for something deeper.
I’ve always felt that a huge part of my purpose is to amplify the voices of others. Sometimes that’s through storytelling, sometimes it’s at a networking event, but now it’s through Filmshop Exhibition. My excitement for this project came from the idea that I was able to “break the cycle,” but I know so many who have not. My hope for FSX is that we will all find hope restored in what’s ahead of us, by remembering and celebrating all that we’ve created.
Grateful for Filmshop
I’ve been home in my mom’s house in Connecticut for over two months now, and have spent a ton of time reflecting on what my life is in New York and what I’ve left behind for the time being. And I keep thinking about community. And as I think about my friends and collaborators in the film world, my creative and social life is inextricable from Filmshop. I applied to Filmshop back in 2014, just before I shot my debut feature film. I’d never made a short, and had only worked behind the camera in other capacities and in front as an actress. I put together the best application I could, hoping the Filmshop team would see the potential in me that I knew was there if given the opportunity. And I was accepted. I couldn’t believe it. Filmshop provided a safe place for me to thrive, to try things out, and to grow. I finally felt like I found a group of people that “got me.”
Years later, having served as a co-leader, and now as someone behind the scenes seeking to uplift the community, I look back and think of the wonderful opportunities that Filmshop has brought. How it’s changed me as a person, how it’s given me my best friends, and how lucky I am to have the confidence it stoked inside of me that maybe I could make good work that impacts people and makes us all feel less alone.
Community and art are inseparable. My work continues to evolve and is challenged as I learn about the world around me through others’ work and through collaborations with all of you. And as this pandemic has given all of us a pause, separated us from being together physically, and is a massive, challenging adjustment in normal life, the Filmshop community gives me hope. I have always felt the sense that if one of us is down, another is there to extend a hand. We are all still here for each other no matter what. When one of us is stuck, another is there to pull the other out of the mud.
It has been an honor to be involved in Filmshop for many years, to learn from everyone’s unique and talented voices, and to feel the mutual support that our community provides. I’m not sure where or who I’d be without Filmshop. But I know on the other side of this pandemic, as the Filmshop Exhibition proves, we will still be here making beautiful work and supporting each other.